forked from Cavemanon/SnootGame
12 c d first
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ch7-review.txt
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39
ch7-review.txt
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chapter 7:
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Opening
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>opening scene needs the CG of Fang's ass when Anon is gawping as she leans over the amp, it's in the art channel somewhere
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Tarot Reading
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>swapping Anon and Stella's places (and directions) in the tarot reading scene would solve the issue with "OPPAI" being flipped to "IAPPO"
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>whoosh SFX plays after Stella has left the scene, I suggest putting it in front of the `moveoutright` statement so it plays as that movement occurs
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>the screenshake effect when Anon trips ends with a slightly misaligned screen and you can see some transparency around the edges
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>Anon does an odd screenwrap teleport when he falls over, you could check out when anon trips over gardening tools in chapter 5 for some ideas
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Showtime (general)
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>there's some script duplication at the start of both branches, I would pull this segment out of both branches and just stick it in front of where the real divergence occurs
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Showtime (leave cables)
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>this scene needs a soft transition like `with fade` after "We've got sweet music to play." since at the moment all the characters just appear
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>IMO this scene should not be taking place in Moe's backroom since it's supposed to be on a stage inside the main restaurant, looks to me like this is an oversight from the original game. You have a few options:
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>>A) ask for someone to source and process a stage background
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>>B) re-use the CG from the failed concert (potentially controversial)
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>>C) use the Moe's Pizza background with the `dimmer_darker` effect behind the characters
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>ask for an applause loop to insert at the appropriate point
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>if you use option B, return to a BG with the character sprites when it hits "The bandmates' faces light up" so you can show them all happy and sheit
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>Reed is falling off the right side of the screen a bit
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Showtime (fix cables)
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>see comment about the background
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>Reed is getting too cosy with Fang
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>Summertime Synth only plays for a couple of lines, I would move the `stop music fadeout` much further down. When Trish leaves would be a good time.
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>the line where Trish says "You are not the only person in the world!" was changed to "We exist too, you know!" in the script doc
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NOTE: For the above point I should have mentioned earlier, there are occasionally updated lines or segments that we have to watch out for - first thing I do when I'm reworking a chapter is to look for any changes in this google doc https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-T0SNGgRkypzXshZ16JqdKqaHL4fKUIR5XWsz0YTH_A
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>
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Post Showtime (leave cables)
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>the fanghug sprite after "Before I could react I was swept up in a blur of feathers" is suspended in midair, try a `yalign` of 0.0 or 0.1
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Cleaning Up
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>Reed appears very close to the right screen edge again. For situations like this where the quick and dirty location definitions are jank (`rright`?) you can specify the positioning with a custom `xalign`. This usually takes a bit of trial and error.
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>Trish overlaps quite a lot with Reed when she appears
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>personally I would not have gone for the heartbeat as well as the music
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@ -329,6 +329,7 @@ image farnsworth flip = im.Flip("other/farnsworth.png", horizontal=True)
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image carldelewski flip = im.Flip("other/carldelewski.png", horizontal=True)
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image fangdad unimpressed flip = im.Flip("fangparents/fangdad unimpressed.png", horizontal=True)
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image naser handout flip = im.Flip("naser/naser handout.png", horizontal=True)
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image fang adorable flip = im.Flip("fang/emotive set/fang adorable.png", horizontal=True)
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# vfx
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image black = "#000"
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@ -72,17 +72,19 @@ label chapter_11D:
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A "What?! What’s with the look?"
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"She shakes her head and holds up her wrist."
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"She shakes her head and covers her mouth."
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A "Uh… it’s ten thirty-seven? Why is that funny?"
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A "Uh… Why is that funny?"
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F "Anon you ignorant slut."
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F "Notice something missing?"
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F "Notice something about me? Anything at all"
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A "...Why do you have feathers on your elbows anyway?"
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F "Gawd! No! I’m not enbie, Anon."
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F "Gawd! No! I’m not actually enbie, Anon."
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"What? Oh! ‘She’."
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A "Oh… Still, why do you have feathers on your elbows?"
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@ -4,7 +4,7 @@ label chapter_12C:
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play music "audio/OST/its_footloose_now.ogg" fadein 1.0
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"Later at my hovel of a home…"
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show anon neutral at aleft
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show anon neutral at aleft with dissolve
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A "Almost finished."
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@ -16,7 +16,7 @@ label chapter_12C:
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F "I keep having these dreams where she mans up and I'm forced to talk to her again! They feel more like nightmares now!"
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F "Rosa is too busy to help - with the exercises, I mean - but I hope the camping trip will be fun."
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F "Rosa is too busy to help{w=0.2} - with the exercises, I mean - but I hope the camping trip will be fun."
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A "Well it's done. All of it."
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@ -34,7 +34,7 @@ label chapter_12C:
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F "You're so good to me."
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A "Thanks. F- Lucy."
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A "Thanks. F-{w=0.3} Lucy."
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F "Is there nothing you really want from me?"
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@ -42,15 +42,15 @@ label chapter_12C:
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F "More naps?"
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F "or perhaps hugs?"
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F "Or perhaps hugs?"
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F "Hand holding?"
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pause 0.5
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"I'm sweating profusely."
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F "Or maybe...a kiss?"
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F "Or maybe...{w=0.4}a kiss?"
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A "Kiss? With that huge snoot?"
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A "Kiss?{w=0.1} With that huge snoot?"
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F "Why? Are you afraid? Have you never kissed a dinosaur before?"
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@ -58,17 +58,17 @@ label chapter_12C:
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F "Not even a human girl?"
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A "Uhhh..."
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A "{cps=*0.5}Uhhh...{/cps}"
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F "So I'm your first? That's exciting."
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F "So I'm your first?{w=0.2} That's exciting."
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A "This is so weird, I don't know how I'm feeling right now. Don't you feel weird too?"
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F "I've kissed shorter snouts, yours can't be that different."
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F "Uh...look Anon, if it doesn't work out..."
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F "Uh...{w=0.3}look Anon, if it doesn't work out..."
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F "...It won't change anything. Right?"
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F "...It won't change anything.{w=0.3} Right?"
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A "Promise?"
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@ -105,15 +105,15 @@ label chapter_12C:
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"..."
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F "*glug* *hack* *urk*"
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F "*glug*{w=0.2} *hack*{w=0.2} *urk*"
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A "Oh god how long is your tongue?! I think I reached your tonsils!"
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A "Oh god how long is your tongue?! I think I almost threw up."
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F "*cough* Oh god *cough* I think I almost threw up."
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F "*cough*{w=0.2} Oh god *cough*{w=0.2} I think I reached your tonsils! *hurk*"
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A "Shit sorry sorry sorr-"
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F "No no. It’s fine. Let me think."
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F "No no. It’s fine.{w=0.2} Let me think."
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F "Let’s try the other one again."
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@ -121,7 +121,7 @@ label chapter_12C:
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"..."
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F "Don’t open as *mnph*... wide."
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F "Don’t open as *mnph*...{w=0.4} wide."
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"..."
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@ -137,13 +137,13 @@ label chapter_12C:
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"..."
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A "I don’t know… I’ll probably never get the hang of this."
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A "I don’t know…{w=0.2} I’ll probably never get the hang of this."
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F "Really? I uh… think it was… nice."
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F "Really? I uh… {w=0.2}think it was… {w=0.2}nice."
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A "Wait seriously?"
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F "Y-yeah. You’re not a *bad* kisser."
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F "Y-yeah. You’re not a {i}bad{/i} kisser."
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A "Bullshit."
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@ -170,7 +170,7 @@ label chapter_12C:
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F "I can feel your heart beating. It’s so loud."
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stop music fadeout 1.0
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scene black with fade
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A "Y-yeah, same."
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A "Y-yeah,{w=0.2} same."
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"..."
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@ -236,7 +236,7 @@ label chapter_12C:
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A "{i}Alriiiiiight. As long as we have tents. I don’t wanna deal with insects.{/i}"
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A "{i}As long as we have tents.{/i} Me and my stupid fucking mouth."
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A "{i}As long as we have tents.{/i}{w=0.2} Me and my stupid fucking mouth."
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scene campsite
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show anon neutral at acenter
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@ -256,9 +256,9 @@ label chapter_12C:
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St "Wait, which ones were which again?"
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A "Wha- If I bite into even a single bug your cards are going into the campfire."
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A "Wha-{w=0.2} If I bite into even a single bug your cards are going into the campfire."
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Ro "Hey! Camping is supposed to be relaxing! Relax!"
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Ro "Hey! Camping is supposed to be relaxing!{w=0.2} Relax!"
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Ro "Also, when you’re done with the tents you need to start the campfire."
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@ -268,7 +268,7 @@ label chapter_12C:
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St "Just… figured you’d know, is all."
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A "Why would I… Hey!"
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A "Why would I{cps=*0.5}...{/cps} Hey!"
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St "The principal fits the bill so well."
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@ -327,7 +327,7 @@ label chapter_12C:
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"Lucy gets that look in her eye and snatches the bigger one right off."
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St "Eventide draws near. I believe it best we sojourn from the fated ones, Rosa. My scrying glass awaits."
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pause 0.5
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"What."
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show fang neutral flip
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F "Er, what? I don’t speak… whatever the fuck that was."
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@ -337,6 +337,7 @@ label chapter_12C:
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A "Then why didn’t she just say that?"
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"Rosa and Stella take their plates of imposter kebabs and start walking to the other end of Rosa’s yard."
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show fang neutral at sleft with dissolve
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stop music fadeout 1.0
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play music "audio/OST/middle_of_nowhere.ogg" fadein 1.0
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hide rosa
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@ -355,7 +356,7 @@ label chapter_12C:
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"Damn her and her filthy ptero-logic."
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A "Fiiiiiiiiine. You can have a bite."
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A "{cps=*0.65}Fiiiiiiiiine{/cps}. You can have a bite."
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"I hold out the meat on a stick for her."
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@ -365,7 +366,7 @@ label chapter_12C:
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"Once she pulls away I’m left holding a crispy yet clean wooden stick."
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F "Mmmm… Stolen food is the best food."
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F "Mmmm… {w=0.4}Stolen food is the best food."
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show fang happy with dissolve
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@ -397,6 +398,7 @@ label chapter_12C:
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A "Heh."
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pause 0.5
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"Lucy and I listen to the crackling of the fire for a few minutes."
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"Somewhere in the distance I hear Stella yelling at Rosa about leaving the telescope cap on."
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@ -415,7 +417,7 @@ label chapter_12C:
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F "... Your kebab’s on fire."
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A "Huh- Shit!"
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A "Huh-{w=0.3} Shit!"
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"I blow out the now burnt chunks of meat."
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@ -453,7 +455,7 @@ label chapter_12C:
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A "I don’t remember now, this was like a decade ago."
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A "... Orion’s belt?"
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A "...{w=0.3} Orion’s belt?"
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F "Anyone can name Orion’s belt."
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@ -485,7 +487,7 @@ label chapter_12C:
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F "Aren’t you the big strong man."
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A "... Fuck it. A compliment’s a compliment."
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A "...{w=0.3} Fuck it. A compliment’s a compliment."
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"We gaze up at the night sky in companionable silence."
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@ -520,9 +522,9 @@ label chapter_12C:
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F "Thank you for being here with me, Anon."
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A "I mean… This was all you. And Rosa and Stella too."
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A "I mean… {w=0.3}This was all you. And Rosa and Stella too."
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F "No, you big dweeb… I mean…"
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F "No, you big dweeb… {w=0.3}I mean…"
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F "You’ve always been there for me even when I was so mean to you."
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@ -542,7 +544,7 @@ label chapter_12C:
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"Lucy’s fingers dance across my cheek."
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"Slowly, slowly, ever so slowly."
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"Slowly,{w=0.4} slowly,{w=0.4} ever so slowly."
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"Her eyes lid as she leans forward, her head tilting and her mouth opening slowly."
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@ -566,7 +568,7 @@ label chapter_12C:
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F "I love you."
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"Yeah. Me too."
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"Yeah.{w=0.3} Me too."
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"She giggles and lays down. Her head resting on my shoulder and her wing becoming a blanket as we look back to the stars."
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@ -25,7 +25,7 @@ label chapter_12D:
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"My great idea was to take out the map of the city I’d had since I moved in and throw a dart at it to decide where we’d go for the day."
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"There’s lots of neat places in the city for dates, the mall, the arcade, a local amusement park."
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pause 0.5
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"...And the dart landed in the ocean over the dock."
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"The look from Fang told me she wasn’t stepping anywhere near a tuna boat."
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@ -50,23 +50,23 @@ label chapter_12D:
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"Looking through one of the map kiosks, I try to make a mental plan for the trip."
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show anon neutral at aleft
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show fang neutral at sright
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show anon neutral at aleft with dissolve
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show fang neutral at sright with dissolve
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A "Uhh… They got exhibits for the deep sea, the gulf of Mexico, the dopefish, tropical reefs…"
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A "Uhh… {w=0.2}They got exhibits for the deep sea, the gulf of Mexico, the dopefish, tropical reefs…"
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A "... Eenie meanie mini-"
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A "... Eenie{w=0.15} meanie{w=0.15} mini-"
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F "Really?"
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A "Sea turtles it is."
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"I take Fang’s hand and lead her through the lobby into the cmber labeled ‘Sea Turtle Conservatory’."
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"I take Fang’s hand and lead her through the lobby into the chamber labeled ‘Sea Turtle Conservatory’."
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scene aquariumexhibit
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scene aquariumexhibit with fade
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F "Anon, are you sure you want to spend the day here? If you wanted to go to the mall or somethin- omigawd."
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F "Anon, are you sure you want to spend the day here? If you wanted to go to the mall or somethin- {cps=*2.0}omigawd.{/cps}"
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"A little sea turtle swims out of hiding in the tank right in front of us."
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@ -74,8 +74,8 @@ label chapter_12D:
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F "Look at these cute little shits, I love them!"
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show fang adorable at sleft
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show anon neutral at aright
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show fang adorable at sleft with dissolve
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show anon neutral at aright with dissolve
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A "Yeah, I see them."
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@ -89,7 +89,7 @@ label chapter_12D:
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A "Come on Fang, there’s more stuff to see."
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F "Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno."
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F "{cps=*0.75}Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno{/cps}."
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A "There’s more here than just those baby turtles, you know."
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@ -107,37 +107,53 @@ label chapter_12D:
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A "Oh look, a Dumbo Octopus."
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F "Whereisit?"
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F "{cps=*2.0}Whereisit?{/cps}"
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"In a snap Fang’s moved from pressing her face against the turtle tank to pressing it against the octopus tank."
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scene aquariumexhibit
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show fang happy at sleft
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show fang happy at sleft with dissolve
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#confirmed that fang has autism
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Attendant "Ma’am, please refrain from-"
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show fang adorable at sleft
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F "OmigoshAnonlookatit."
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F "{cps=*1.5}OmigoshAnonlookatit.{/cps}"
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F "It’s like a living egg yolk with button eyes."
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A "Is that the first analogy you can think of…?"
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F "And what’s over there? Are those seahorses holy crap I have to take a video of this."
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F "And what’s over there? Are those seahorses{cps=*1.5} holy crap I have to take a video of this.{/cps}"
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"I shrug apologetically at the attendant who has given up entirely."
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#Fang has the zoomies
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show fang adorable with dissolve:
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zoom 0.8
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yalign -0.1
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xalign 1.1
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pause 1.0
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"But watching Fang zoom between the exhibits to gush over each oddly cute sea animal was just too much."
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show fang adorable flip with dissolve:
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zoom 1.0
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xalign 0.1
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yalign 0.1
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pause 1.0
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"Subtly my phone finds its way into my jacket pocket, already set to record."
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show fang adorable at scenter with dissolve:
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zoom 0.6
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yalign 0.6
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xalign 1.0
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show anonphone at scenter with moveinbottom
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"She’ll probably kill me if she found out."
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hide fang adorable with dissolve
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"But it’d be a good death."
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pause 0.5
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"Wait, where’d she go?"
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hide anonphone with moveoutbottom
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@ -171,7 +187,7 @@ label chapter_12D:
|
||||
|
||||
"Fang doesn’t seem completely convinced, though."
|
||||
|
||||
F "You sure they’re alright to just touch like that? Aren't those dangerous?"
|
||||
F "You sure they’re alright to just touch like that?{w=0.2} Aren't those dangerous?"
|
||||
|
||||
A "I mean, it’s a bit slimy, but there’s a hand sanitizer thing on the wall right there."
|
||||
|
||||
@ -200,7 +216,7 @@ label chapter_12D:
|
||||
"After a few more rounds of rays, Fang decides she’s had enough."
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
scene aquarium
|
||||
scene aquarium
|
||||
show anon neutral at aleft
|
||||
show fang happy flip at sright
|
||||
with fade
|
||||
@ -290,7 +306,7 @@ label chapter_12D:
|
||||
|
||||
"Her dolphin duplicate did too."
|
||||
|
||||
A "You’re fucking with me, aren’t you."
|
||||
A "You’re fucking with me,{w=0.2} aren’t you."
|
||||
|
||||
F "What’re you talking about?"
|
||||
|
||||
@ -313,20 +329,20 @@ label chapter_12D:
|
||||
scene aquariumtube with fade
|
||||
|
||||
"From within the glass walkway we’re surrounded by a myriad of colorful marine life swimming around us."
|
||||
show fang surprised at sright
|
||||
show anon neutral at aleft
|
||||
show fang surprised at sright with dissolve
|
||||
show anon neutral at aleft with dissolve
|
||||
|
||||
"Fang’s eyes are wide as she tries to follow the different schools of fish that dart to and fro about."
|
||||
|
||||
"I’m more mesmerized by the water filtered light cascading off Fang, casting her in a gentle glow that illuminates her white feathers."
|
||||
|
||||
"God. So glad I’m recording this."
|
||||
"God.{w=0.2} So glad I’m recording this."
|
||||
|
||||
F "Recording what?"
|
||||
|
||||
show fang neutral flip with dissolve
|
||||
|
||||
A "The uh… The shark! Yeah, that cool looking shark over there!"
|
||||
A "The uh…{w=0.3} {cps=*2.0}The shark!{/cps} Yeah, that cool looking shark over there!"
|
||||
|
||||
"I point to the shark that’s currently lazing about, casually drifting by the walkway."
|
||||
|
||||
@ -350,11 +366,15 @@ label chapter_12D:
|
||||
|
||||
F "O-oh."
|
||||
|
||||
A "Wait… are you sca-"
|
||||
A "Wait…{w=0.2} are you sca-"
|
||||
|
||||
F "No! I just… Wasn’t expecting it, is all."
|
||||
F "No! I just…{w=0.2} Wasn’t expecting it, is all."
|
||||
|
||||
show anon neutral at aleft:
|
||||
linear 1.0 xalign 0.5
|
||||
|
||||
"I offer her my hand."
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
"Despite her claim otherwise I can feel how tense she is by how her fingernails dig into my hand."
|
||||
scene black with fade
|
||||
@ -369,7 +389,7 @@ label chapter_12D:
|
||||
|
||||
A "Beautiful."
|
||||
|
||||
F "Yeah… that…"
|
||||
F "Yeah…{w=0.3} that…"
|
||||
|
||||
"I wasn’t referring to the exhibit."
|
||||
|
||||
@ -379,7 +399,7 @@ label chapter_12D:
|
||||
"My eyes have adjusted enough that I can see Fang’s eyes locked onto mine, the gossamer light making them glow."
|
||||
"My lips press softly onto Fang’s beak-end in a chaste peck."
|
||||
|
||||
F "eep!"
|
||||
F "Eep!"
|
||||
F "Oi! G-give me a warning next time!"
|
||||
|
||||
A "Mmmm… Naaaah."
|
||||
@ -388,9 +408,9 @@ label chapter_12D:
|
||||
|
||||
"Our interlocked fingers prevent her from using her preferred elbow tactic."
|
||||
|
||||
A "So… had fun?"
|
||||
A "So…{w=0.2} had fun?"
|
||||
|
||||
F "Mmmm… Maaaaybe…"
|
||||
F "Mmmm… {w=0.2}Maaaaybe…"
|
||||
|
||||
F "I’ll say yes if you delete that recording."
|
||||
|
||||
@ -416,8 +436,9 @@ label chapter_12D:
|
||||
|
||||
"And a very relaxed girlfriend."
|
||||
|
||||
"Overall, mission successful."
|
||||
|
||||
"Overall,{w=0.2} mission successful."
|
||||
|
||||
pause 0.5
|
||||
"Except the sunburn."
|
||||
|
||||
"Ow."
|
||||
|
||||
Loading…
Reference in New Issue
Block a user